Cold Shoulder - Adele

Two posts today. Today's been bad.

Around 1, I started having a really bad stomachache, so I went to lie down. It got worse. Headache, low grade fever, really hard to breathe, lots of pain in my upper chest, like when you've been running outside in cold, dry air. Pain in my side, spreading through my entire right rib cage like a net of nerves getting zapped by electricity.

I don't know if this is making sense. Thinking is delayed and foggy. Having short-term memory loss. So frustrating.

Anyway, it hurt, so I called to my parents, but they couldn't hear me. I always keep some kind of phone on my bedside table in case of emergency, but my cell had died. So that was scary. But we called the rheumatologist's pager or whatever, and she said that the prednisone was probably causing my upset stomach. Planning to wean off-- 10 mgs tomorrow and 5 on Tuesday. Happy to get off the drugs, although they say depression is the biggest side-effect. ugghhh.

As for the spasms in my chest and side, she said it was probably just a pinched nerve (just? just a pinched nerve?! it hurt a lot!) and that when I go in next week she'll prescribe a muscle relaxer. In the meantime, just took some ibuprofen and tums and rested.

We thought we might have to go to the hospital today. Dr. Bodkin at first thought that my stomachaches might be a sign of appendicitis or whatever that's called. My dad had it. I guess it's good we didn't have to go to the ER or anything, but I'm still in a lot of pain.

I don't get it. I don't understand any of this. How does a perfectly healthy teenager suddenly get into this mess? I started watching the Oscars, but I don't know, I guess I'm just insanely bitter. The world spins on! Everyone's lives go on! Every so often I'm just shocked, like, whoa! It's 2009? Really? Huh...how did that happen? (Slept through New Year's.) Wait, and it's February?

...and i'm. still. HERE.

...and i'm. not. BETTER?!

I don't get it.

patience patience patience patience,
emma