Wednesday, October 26, 2011

POTS News Video

ABC 7 Chicago - POTS in teen girls [11/08]

Crazy coincidences: 1) This aired the same week I had to leave college because of POTS.  2) I know that girl's mom! And not through POTS! Small, small world.

I can't believe I hadn't seen this video until now. Thanks to JW and HC!


Monday, October 24, 2011


Article on POTS featured in the New York Times...and a POTSy's response.

I'm doing great. Birthday joy. Took a couple days this weekend to nurse a cold, and now I'm right as rain. Driving all by myself. Getting stuff done. Making plans. Enjoying the beautiful weather. It all feels a little unreal.

Today I ran into Alternate Universe Emma. She never crosses my mind anymore. I used to keep a mental map of where I'd be if I were her. But I got rid of that map last year-- a breakthrough to say the least. I'm happy with where I'm at, and I'm seeing more and more a sense of purpose in my being sick and all the struggles that went/go along with it. Alternate Universe Emma doesn't exist. I thought I got rid of her.

But when you catch up with someone for the first time in four years, you see through their eyes that old version of yourself. And you see the college senior that they've become, you hear the language you might've been using yourself. Internship. Student teaching. Studied abroad. Graduation. GRE. Certification. Job offer. Starting salary. Dating. Master's. Engaged. Moving.

I think it's the time warp that gets me most. Yes, chronologically, I understand I am twenty-one. But my 21 is still like...18. And my 18-year-old self predicted my 21-year-old self would be an accomplished musician and scholar and whatever else.

And I'm not. And I'm okay with it. I'm genuinely content, fulfilled even, where I am today. I love ESL. I love Snowball. I love church-hopping. I'm not a college student. I'm humbled. I'm okay.

But Alternate Universe Emma is not okay with it. She would've wanted the GPA, the degree, the recommendation to direct a prestigious youth choir. She had a four-year plan. She had a four-year plan, and it failed! She failed!

Maybe I'm rambling.

Maybe I still have a little to grieve.

Maybe it's too easy to try and compare myself to my peers, to my old expectations of myself.

Hm. Food for thought.

carrot cake,

Friday, October 14, 2011

Hey there.

Things are really looking up. Went shopping. Three hours. No pain. No fatigue. WHAT?! In the past week I've started driving (short distances/daytime) and it's SO exciting just to go run an errand. Progress, people! Freedom, people!

I'm trying to not get too far ahead of myself; today I had to take a day off and rest up. Managing time and energy are hugely important. It'd be way too easy for me to fall back into over-excited and over-scheduled mode.

People at home are going through some rough stuff. I truly admire the kindness of our friends, family, and neighbors. Thank you, whoever's reading this, for just practicing kindness in your day-to-day life.

If I were to make a mix tape for you today, it would include:
"Everday People" performed by Bar Scott


Sunday, October 2, 2011

I'm doing... amazing.

I have had the most preposterously excellent week. In the last 48 hours, friends have seen me suddenly transform into an able-bodied person. It's ridiculous. I don't understand it. Even with all the rain! It's crazy and wonderful and I love it. I LOVE IT!!

What's on my mind:
  • I'm buying fair trade chocolate for our trick-or-treaters!
  • I love fair trade clothes. They have a soul. I'm trying out several online retailers... will let you know which one's the best. :-)
  • Here's another reason to boycott American Apparel.
  • Love church. Hate "Money Sunday." There are lots of ways to give. bah.
  • Snowball has begun and I'm so excited!
hugs and sparkly things,