The Cat in the Hat.

Time seems to be moving really slowly.

Today my mom and I walked outside for 19 minutes. Way too long and at a faster speed than I could really handle. I'm exhausted and my feet and right hand have been mostly numb for the last three hours.

I'm trying really hard to find happy things, to not get eaten alive by these ridiculously unfair circumstances. I have a lot of life left to live. I can't give up.

Excerpts from the list of happy things:

• Chocolate chip pancakes
• Green tea
• Ravioli
• My sofa
• Candy necklaces
• Proximity of doctors
• Post-its
• my pets
• memories from snowball

Anywho, I'm hoping I won't be really really sore tomorrow.

Catching up on all the television I never watched in high school,
emma

Red Vines.

Today I should be singing. I should be performing at IMEA All-State with U of I's Women's Glee Club. My high school choir--Patriot Singers--has also been honored with the invitation to perform. Just wish I could be there. Heck, I just wish I had the energy and the breath to sing. Humming a bit these days, but it's weak. Just waiting...

Anyway, so my chiropractor has basically admitted that he's never seen anyone as badly messed-up and as young as me. Drat. Have appts to see a neurologist and an acupuncturist this week. Exciting. January: the month of a second chiro. February: who knows! Keeping options open.

I'm signed up for a few "late start" classes at CLC--they begin this coming week. Not too confident I'll be able to go, but at the very least it's something to show the insurance company--that we've tried and tried to get me back to school but I'm just not capable yet. First things first. Gotta take care of the plague.

Audiobooks read with a British accent are so unbelievably entertaining. I find myself thinking in British a lot...words like Bugger, Posh, and Fancy that! I think it's so interesting how Americans pronounce so many English words differently...we say IN-no-VA-tive and they say in-NOV-ative. Oh those silly blokes across the pond. :)

cheerio,
emma

Boysenberry.

I really don't know what to title these posts. Titles in general seem silly for a blog of this purpose. What am I supposed to write? "Yup. Still Sick." "Feeling Crummy." "Absolutely bloody awful day!"

See, you wouldn't want to read that. So I will continue with the random titles.

Anyway, today I am laughing REALLY hard!! hahaha. Because I just got an email from UI's Phi Eta Sigma-- National Honor Society. How did this happen?!? It says I earned a 3.5 or above. LOL. try a "Withdrawn." ha. kinda like how i got into U of I in the first place...still completely mind-boggling. Maybe I should accept their invitation! Induction's in March. Maybe I'll be better by then!

In other news, "the recipient of the 2009 Krannert Debut Award is Melissa Davis, voice student of Professor Ollie Watts Davis." YAY!!! Melissa was my voice teacher, and Dr. Davis directed the choir we were in together. (No relation, despite the same surname and similar talent.) I'm so excited for them both!! It's a big deal. :)

Nothing new with me really, still laughing. hahahaha

it's good for the soul,
emma

Moo.

Same as yesterday, basically. More migraines, but easier to get around. Just wish my right knee would stop locking. Really dangerous on the stairs.

BBC's "Planet Earth" is like the greatest thing ever! I pretend I'm in school. Learneriffic.

Have finished uploading my "Now" CDs to itunes. i feel accomplished. currently listening to samantha mumba. oh yes, the disney channel 2-hit wonder. :)

taking deep breaths,
emma

Woof.

Sorry my condition causes me to speak in fragments.

Walked for 12 continuous minutes yesterday, per doctor's orders to loosen up my low back. Today, quads so unbelievably sore that moving, walking, sitting, standing are all difficult. Stairs are treacherous and to be avoided at all costs. I think I want to invest in a cane because it's so hard to get around. Very nervous about being home alone for part of the day tomorrow.

Other symptoms: very tired, heart palpitations, itchy eyes, ringing/pain in ears, really painful intestinal cramps, migraines, numb feet, numb fingertips, some difficulty breathing, dizziness. Hair falling out like crazy. Seriously considering shaving my head and getting a wig. Or very fashionable hat. I like winter hats.

I'm really trying to avoid looking like that guy from Lord of the Rings...you know...the "my precious" dude...not Dobby, that's from Harry Potter...anyway, you probably know who I'm talking about. The creepy one who has like 6 hairs left on his head. I'm getting pretty close to looking like that. :(

Started taking the FibroPlex Plus again today--for fibromyalgia, supposed to give me energy. Tastes nasty.

Happy things:

• Ellen DeGeneres stand-up DVDs are HILARIOUS!!! haven't laughed that much in a long time
• BBC is sweet
• Gonna get some books on CD tomorrow
• Mmm...cinnamon-sugar muffin!
  
• Still have food, shelter, clothing, and people who care about me. :)
  

Hoping tomorrow will be a bit brighter,
emma

Monday, Monday

• Doc says my back isn't healing as quickly as a teenager's should. In fact, it's as slow as a 40-yr-old's. what the heck
• Slipped on the stairs, no damage though :)
• Getting reallllly bored
  
• Don't like family feud crap
  
• There are no coloring books in my house! Awful!
• today's symptoms: numbness in right toes and right hand, joint pain, back pain, headaches, dizziness, earaches, heart palpitations...ya know, the usual.

I WILL GET THROUGH THIS, DAGNABIT!

finding nemo,
just keep swimming,
emma

Today

Extreme fatigue, back spasm, bloody nose, headache, heart palpitations, greater sensitivity to light and sound, weak joints, esp hands and knees.

Looking forward to some beautiful day when this will all be over.

abbott and costello,
emma

Home Alone

Please don't stalk me at my house. I have only a small, fluffy dog to protect me.

Being home alone used to be awesome. I'd play music really loud, sing really loud, reorganize things that other people always failed to put where I knew they belonged (wow I'm weird). But now it's actually scary. Been in bed all day. Finally pulled out the pull-out couch and found my missing bedsheets! Huzzah!

Anyway, I expect by day's end, I will have finished another complete season of Gilmore Girls. Whoopee. Not. :(

I was having an okay day...until the dreaded 3 o'clock. Yes, three. That's approximately the start time of my worst hours of the day, given I get up at 10. Yes, 3-6pm starts the numb hand, the incessant heart palpitations, the headache, earache, sick-sick-sickiness. Good to know for future reference.

But, ah. I'm not supposed to read or use my arms or do anything outside of my pin-head of a comfort zone. Which includes bloggin.

until next time, my few but mighty readers. (readers? is that what the audience is called here?)

my elbows and knees hurt and it's time to ice my neck again.
burnin love,
emma

Well...That Settles It

Today my chiropractor said, "Emma, you should be on *light duty,* physically and mentally. Once you have two solid weeks where things are entirely better, then you can go back to reading, unpacking, school, etc."

(Well, essentially, that's what he said.)

HA!

Silly parents and other adults prone to wigging out have been goading me to attend CLC classes, like just for the heck of it. Like just to make sure I'm not afraid of school, or allergic to school.

People, please. I survived Stevenson. I'm a nerd. You obviously don't know me very well. I'd rather be taking 25 credit-hours at U of I than sitting here, on my butt, alllllllll dayyyyyyy looooooong....watching movies and TV shows.

I'm a freak for learning. Period. But I can't go to class if I feel like I'm dying! If I'm seeing a doctor 3 times a week and he's saying WHOAAA hold it! You keep messing up what I just fixed!

Including my EYES!! yeah. those are kind of important for reading and learning and test-taking. sheesh.

so there you have it, folks. To the warped mind of this majorly-injured 18-year-old, it's okay to take a break! Especially if it's to take care of your spinal column.

sheesh again. people are so freaked that i'm going to be "behind" on life. Yeah, well I'm feeling pretty behind right now. Let's not screw it up by "strongly encouraging" (forcing) me back to school too soon.

thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

going to see Slum Dog Millionaire tonight!! and sit in the last row in the middle so I won't hurt my neck! YAY!

happy weekend, chums.
emma

rar. =p

Today kinda sucked. What happened?!?

Had a relatively good morning, got up at 10, cleaned my room (physical labor! yes!), lunch, and then WHAM right around 2, my right hand went entirely numb. That was majorly freaky. Only lasted 20 minutes...but yeah. Scary.

Super tired, tried to take a nap at 3, and I had one of these horrible dreams where I can tell I'm dreaming but I feel like I can't breathe. Once I got out of it, my heart was pounding so hard. gahhhh. no fun.

I wanted to rest up for a CLC class at 5, which my parents *strongly* felt I should try to go to, but I stood up (ha. figuratively.) for myself and stayed in bed.

Right now, still sleepy and dizzy. Gonna hold off on any sort of "challenges" for the time being.

I think my condition is a lot more unpredictable than we would have expected.

tomorrow is another day,
emma

Update

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Bloody noses yesterday and today. Lots of heart palpitations yesterday. Lots of mood swings too--hope that's the last of the drugs gettin out of me.

I'm really glad I went to the show, though. It's good to challenge myself a bit. Plus I need to be more active socially and have things to look forward to. I had fun, and everything was well-performed, but the lyrics were atrocious. Ack. So cliche and predictable. Interesting to see a guy I knew of in the show--graduated from my high school a few years before me.

Anyway, at the doc's yesterday, he said that my neck and back have recovered from the fall. Now we're back on "schedule" and I should be seeing more noticeable improvement in the coming weeks. YAY.

Today I want to challenge myself physically. In past days I've been trying to read more, but I think I need to take a breather from that; dizziness doesn't suit me. Instead I'll try to unpack (eek!) all the stuff from my dorm. My no-longer home. :(

peace,
emma

Kind of a Big Deal...

Today a very dear friend of mine is taking me to see a show!! On stage!! In public!! As in, this is the first time I've left my house to do something fun in...oh...6 weeks I think?

Excited. Also very nervous I might fall asleep or need to lie down. Hey, it's a matinee. I'm sure nobody's expecting a standing ovation.

But! I slept really well last night and am seeing my chiropractor right after. Golly. I'm so happy to be putting on, like, real clothes! and makeup! ahh!

In general, I have a little more energy today than yesterday. Talking to friends at school perked me up a bit. :) AND my toes aren't numb today! Yes!!

off to the theatre!
emma

New Kid on the Block

Wow. A college dropout AND a blogger. Two things I never thought I'd be.

I don't much feel like giving the history of my illness...check out my facebook notes.

Today marks the 10th consecutive week of being bed-bound. I think it's a little over 11 weeks total, but yeah. I'm not really digging this scene. Over the past two days, I watched an entire season of Gilmore Girls in 36 hours. And while it's the best-written show I've ever seen and usually quite enjoyable, I hated it. I hate being stuck on the couch, in bed, in the passenger seat of my own car, in the doctor's waiting room. The over-achiever in me is about ready to jump off a cliff. I feel useless and burdensome. The world is spinning on, and I'm just hangin out with Pluto. Not a planet anymore, bud.

But hey, how bout them Inaugurations!! =)

I didn't know until now that there was such a thing as being schoolsick. As stressful as college was, I want to go back so much. I need to get better and get on with my life.

I have faith that things will get better. I'm just impatient. Terribly, terribly impatient.

More to come later,
emma