I Left The House! / Exhaustion

My arms are very sore today, I think from folding laundry and washing/drying my hair yesterday. Talk about borrowing spoons against the next day! Also my back hurts and vision is weird sometimes.

I rested up all day to go to my dentist appointment in the afternoon. It had been 8 days since I had last left my house. The world is far too bright for my tiny eyeballs! Good thing it was a very short drive, and a short appointment too. I was worn out by the time I got home. It was exactly 38 minutes of activity. And I was, and still am, POOPED.

The thing about a cane is that everybody comments on it. It is the best thing, because it's a VISIBLE symbol that I'm struggling. It's a symbol that something is not right. (As opposed to POTS, which is INVISIBLE.) People who are caring will see this symbol (my cane) and react with compassion, asking if something happened recently, or if I'm all right. I may "introduce" them to Cleopatra, or I may simply tell them I have a chronic illness and require a cane to be more easily mobile when I am feeling weak. Sometimes they don't know what to say then. "Feel better"? "Oh, ok"? "Love the color!"? Eh, those are all fine. I can tell they have more questions, but it isn't their place. Good for them to know boundaries. This is the dentist's office; I'm here for you to tend to my teeth, not to my POTS!

People who have jerk-face tendencies, however will see my cane as something else. A scheme. A pitiful cry for attention. Even a bad omen. Some will express these thoughts with words. Many will just make a face or roll their eyes. I tend to avoid inviting/initiating eye contact with strangers when I use my cane. I'm fighting enough battles without having to defend myself against some butt-head who thinks I'm faking and shouldn't be taking the handicap accessible parking space. (Relax, Bozo. I don't have the energy to jump through those hoops to get a placard right now anyway. I parked in the regular spaces. Leave people alone.)

I am grateful for kind people. Be kind.

In other news, I discovered there are Broadway podcasts! Amazing! Can't wait to listen.

peace,
emma