Wednesday, April 28, 2010

About A Girl - The Academy Is...

Last night I dreamt about Disney World, a marching band, and Crystal Light. And a vending machine named after my friend from elementary school. Huh. Whatever happened to her.

Maybe she set her sights sky-high and got something named after her. By a loved one or a charitable organization. Or someone who knew she'd wince at the idea. Something useful. Or insulting. A vending machine.

If I had a vending machine, it would torture people. Like a giant kit kat logo on the side, and office workers going Crunch!(smile) and playing the jingle...and smiling...and close-ups of the wrapper...and sliding around on their desk chairs... you know, the normal candy bar experience. But instead the vending machine is filled with, I don't know, salt and vinegar potato chips. And nothing else.

The automated voice prompts you to select one of its options. Please? Because you. Need a break. :-)

Curious. There's no place to insert coins, dollar bills, or even swipe a credit card. Are the chips free? Doors slam in the distance as the last of the commercial crew exits. You try a few buttons and wait. The message cries out urgently. Select. An option below. Please? [video of spinning candy] Because you. Need a break. :-) A light flickers. The hallway darkens. How long have you been standing there? [Spinning candy. Spins faster. Automated voice cackles as best it can.] Ah hah. Ah hah.

Far away from all the normal vending machines, the monster mesmerizes and consumes you... through...the snack tray!

You first. And then your co-workers.

If they notice you're gone.

[Thunder and lightning!]

1 comment:

  1. emma did you just turn vending into really intense flash fiction?

    i think yes.

    most excellent.

    <3 Aud