Wee Hours

Oh dumb POTS. It is 3:24 am. Shrug. Listening to music, scoffing at journalists with whom I disagree, considering an attempt at spring cleaning.

et recommends:
Movies: Win Win; happythankyoumoreplease
Documentary: Saving Face
TV Special: Frozen Planet
Interesting New Series: Touch

latest obsession: upcycling

It's an umbrella that she turned into a skirt! Magic! Earth-friendly! :)

Hope you all are well.
emma

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.”

—	Marcel Proust

Diet

On my menu:

• Saltines
• Vegetable Broth*
• Plain Rice Krispies
• Apple sauce
• Plain noodles (w/ EVOO)
• Eggs
• White toast
• White rice
• Soy sauce*
• Salt* (lots)
• Pickles*
• Graham crackers
• Honey
• Bananas
• Ginger ale
• Chocolate Ensure (with Lactaid pill)
• Water (lots)

*denotes excellent source of sodium
Sure,  it's limited, it's bland, but there are lots of ways to be creative within my vegetarian nauseous POTSy diet. Anything more complicated than these items upsets my stomach and leads to a lot of abdominal pain.

Everything is up-and-down. Weather changes; so do I. Wish I were asleep at this hour. We'll get there.

peace,
emma

Getting By

Mental fatigue has set in. Nothing is quite clear. An hour after waking, dream-drunk confusion persists, mocking my thoughts. All day I feel emotionally numb. My memory loss stings worst when I find myself startled at the sound of my own voice, as if I hadn't thought that thought in ages.

My mom came across an excellent blog: potsrecovery.com (check it out!). This woman completed a rigorous three-month exercise program created by her doctor, and well, I'll let her results speak for themselves. I'm considering trying this out. Eh. Ow. Brain. Need a break.

peace,
emma

Inspire & Entertain

Favorite song from my favorite album of the moment. "Keep our eyeeees... wide open."

Favorite commercial:


Favorite choir in the world:


dance aroumd,
emma

Don't fret

I want you to know that I am at peace. Joy lives in my heart and I am surrounded by calm. Secure, mellow, content, assured. I have never felt so open in my life. I am at peace.

So please do not be sad or afraid when I tell you my POTS is back. Ten days ago, fatigue set in. Then tremors, loss of taste/smell, mild heart palpitations, inability to read for any extended amount of time, etc. Healthy to POTSy in 24 hours. Why now? A medical professional's best guess would be that a bug I'd been fighting for a couple weeks triggered something. Or it could be that God is awesome and having me face my demons again, to prove what I've learned.

Either way, I'm barely functioning. Freak out? Nah, no prob. Just make a few calls: quit my job, drop my classes, cancel the leadership retreat, and let go of that nasty "planning" habit. Check. Done. No guilt, no anxiety. Simplify. Shrug. Love yourself more. Value your health -- physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Seek peace. Seek balance.

I don't feel defeated because, well, I'm not. This is my next challenge, the one that pushes me back out of my comfort zone again, out of the driver's seat and back to bed. Back to sibling talks and hours meditating and long nights, such as this, when I can't sleep, and am so grateful for silence.

My mood is serene, blissful, expectant, courageous. I can't control anyone's feelings but my own, yet may I make a suggestion? Do not worry on my behalf. Do not grieve the semester's "failure." Do not get your undies in a bundle over some conundrum that, to me, scarcely exists! I am adapting. I have faith. I am not afraid. I will be fine.

Besides, it's high time I compose the school anthem for the Emma Trevor Institute of Thought and Design. Jolly good tune, you'll see. :-)

emma