Lourdes

Getting through the physical, mental, and emotional turmoil of transitioning off meds. It hurts. I cry. My fuse is very short. Sometimes my vision gets swimmy and everything is overwhelming. I'm living very much in the spirit of one day at a time- keeping my goals, plans, and expectations at a minimum. I have a good couple hours every so often, but the lows are low. Breathing.

Currently reading: Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult (love this so far)

Recommend: (film) Tuesdays with Morrie. (Now I have to read the book too!)

et

47 Sugar Lane, Toronto

Very fatigued. Been lying down all day. Missing church tonight. Frustrating. Things are going to get better soon! And soon I will not be as cranky as I am right now. This is just temporary, self. Don't forget.

I know it's the weekend of my sister's musical when bobby pins litter the hallway and hairspray suffocates the bathroom. Break a leg!

Currently reading: Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

Looking forward to many discussions about: (movie) The Adjustment Bureau

et

Good-bye, Midodrine

It is day 3 of (wait for it...) 0mg Midodrine. Woo! I'm really proud of the progression I'm on. Getting off the meds is tough stuff, as always. I'm feeling unsettled, scratching my head and nose for no reason. I occasionally lose feeling in my feet, and my extremities have returned to their color-changing ways. That's right, you didn't imagine it. My knees to ankles resemble your favorite gradient dip-dye beach towel. You know the one, right? Apricot, pink, red, maroon?

I'm reading melodramatic books, hanging out with my dog, sleeping 10+ hours a day. Couple weeks of transition and I'll be solid.

At least one can hope.

peace,
emma

Where Am I?

No energy. Very cranky. Not me. This is not me! Stupid drugs. I knew I always hated you.

My personality may return in another week. Grf. Watching sad movies until then.

et

Hey. It's July.

 So much to catch up on. Bullet points! Pow!

• The seminar went well. It was a huge risk for me, physically, to try to be active and attentive for 3-4 days. The schedule allowed 7 hours for sleep... when I usually need eleven! It was challenging to the point of almost impossible, and I was in bed for 3 days after, but it was worth it. I got outside my comfort zone. I met strangers from across the US and Canada and bonded with several individuals. I witnessed others' breakthroughs and affirmed my own dreams. It was a good experience. But I am going to be in a better place before I do something like that again. Oh, the bruises!

• I'm decreasing  the Midodrine dosage further. Yay! From 20 to 10mg/day. It's Day 7. Things are going pretty well overall. I've kind of been through this before, so I know to keep an eye out for mood swings. My family has learned to heed my warning. Sometimes I'm tired or anxious or sensitive to sound. It's not terrible, but it's not fun. Makes me want to get back into a healthy lifestyle and practice preventive health.

• Swimming/stretching, 25-30 min. Gotta get back into yoga soon.
• Weight: 109; 110; 110
• Appetite: much improved! Dessert, please!

• Recommended films: Shawshank Redemption (ah! music therapy!)
• Currently reading: Crazy Love by Francis Chan

love,
emma