2012 Begins

Hello out there! It's been so long. How have you been? You look great! And your hair! Well, yeah, it could really use a trim. I happen to have a couple of sharpened spoons in my purse, it'd take me two seconds to snip off that awkward tuft. No, no, other side of your head, dear. What? No! I mean, you can hardly tell. One kind of overshadows the other. It's not so bad. Just ask the nice lady for your money back. What do you mean, "not much of a lady?" You what?

And so we resume our blogging schedule, A gift for you, dear friends: my witty yet poetic perspective on life; my fanciful feast of prose; my great, noble, glorious, and of course humble, humble words-- all posted so you, gentle readers, may not act out of despair or desperation, say, by soliciting a 12-year-old girl to cut your hair. Lemonade stand aside, do you really want to spend your investment dollars on her? No, the pink plastic barrettes do not make it look less foofy. Friend, your hair is important to me. You deserve better.

Anyway, I'm back! Things are looking up overall. I'm gaining weight (2 pounds!), still driving, working out, and keeping busy. I'm starting classes at CLC in a couple weeks-- very excited for my two classes: Lifespan Development and Community Health. Planning to continue volunteering with Snowball and ESL this semester. Did I mention my ESL student, Youngsim, had her baby this week? A healthy little girl. Aw, I feel like a proud auntie.

Looking for some means of steady income... most likely more chores, babysitting, and ESL tutoring. My only frustration right now is that I have to sleep 12 hours a day. But that's so minor compared to all the pain and limitation from before. I'm amazed about being able to function perfectly in the rain and drive in snow! Beautiful little things that are so big to me and my family!

The fam's still going through some "challenges." But we're all optimistic about turning things around in 2012. Tomorrow the Trevor Tribe will climb to Mount Wannahockaloogie and dramatically shoot our New Year resolutions through the Ring of Fire!

My first goal: Church hop weekly. More on that later.

most sincere wishes for a bright new year,
emma

Holy cow

Just realized I haven't written in a month. I am doing amazing. I'm driving. I'm doing the babysitting/nanny thing. I'm tutoring. I'm getting active in my church. I'm working out. I'm running errands! All by myself! Coming and going as I please! I am so proud of my brain and my body and God's spirit in me. What am I going to do with myself. Life is so full of possibility. I have much to be thankful for. Hope you are celebrating your blessings as well.

peace,
emma

POTS News Video

ABC 7 Chicago - POTS in teen girls [11/08]

Crazy coincidences: 1) This aired the same week I had to leave college because of POTS.  2) I know that girl's mom! And not through POTS! Small, small world.

I can't believe I hadn't seen this video until now. Thanks to JW and HC!

emma

Thoughts

Article on POTS featured in the New York Times...and a POTSy's response.

I'm doing great. Birthday joy. Took a couple days this weekend to nurse a cold, and now I'm right as rain. Driving all by myself. Getting stuff done. Making plans. Enjoying the beautiful weather. It all feels a little unreal.

Today I ran into Alternate Universe Emma. She never crosses my mind anymore. I used to keep a mental map of where I'd be if I were her. But I got rid of that map last year-- a breakthrough to say the least. I'm happy with where I'm at, and I'm seeing more and more a sense of purpose in my being sick and all the struggles that went/go along with it. Alternate Universe Emma doesn't exist. I thought I got rid of her.

But when you catch up with someone for the first time in four years, you see through their eyes that old version of yourself. And you see the college senior that they've become, you hear the language you might've been using yourself. Internship. Student teaching. Studied abroad. Graduation. GRE. Certification. Job offer. Starting salary. Dating. Master's. Engaged. Moving.

I think it's the time warp that gets me most. Yes, chronologically, I understand I am twenty-one. But my 21 is still like...18. And my 18-year-old self predicted my 21-year-old self would be an accomplished musician and scholar and whatever else.

And I'm not. And I'm okay with it. I'm genuinely content, fulfilled even, where I am today. I love ESL. I love Snowball. I love church-hopping. I'm not a college student. I'm humbled. I'm okay.

But Alternate Universe Emma is not okay with it. She would've wanted the GPA, the degree, the recommendation to direct a prestigious youth choir. She had a four-year plan. She had a four-year plan, and it failed! She failed!

Maybe I'm rambling.

Maybe I still have a little to grieve.

Maybe it's too easy to try and compare myself to my peers, to my old expectations of myself.

Hm. Food for thought.

carrot cake,
emma

Hey there.

Things are really looking up. Went shopping. Three hours. No pain. No fatigue. WHAT?! In the past week I've started driving (short distances/daytime) and it's SO exciting just to go run an errand. Progress, people! Freedom, people!

I'm trying to not get too far ahead of myself; today I had to take a day off and rest up. Managing time and energy are hugely important. It'd be way too easy for me to fall back into over-excited and over-scheduled mode.

People at home are going through some rough stuff. I truly admire the kindness of our friends, family, and neighbors. Thank you, whoever's reading this, for just practicing kindness in your day-to-day life.

If I were to make a mix tape for you today, it would include:
"Everday People" performed by Bar Scott

peace,
emma

I'm doing... amazing.

I have had the most preposterously excellent week. In the last 48 hours, friends have seen me suddenly transform into an able-bodied person. It's ridiculous. I don't understand it. Even with all the rain! It's crazy and wonderful and I love it. I LOVE IT!!

What's on my mind:

• I'm buying fair trade chocolate for our trick-or-treaters!
• I love fair trade clothes. They have a soul. I'm trying out several online retailers... will let you know which one's the best. :-)
• Here's another reason to boycott American Apparel.
• Love church. Hate "Money Sunday." There are lots of ways to give. bah.
• Snowball has begun and I'm so excited!

hugs and sparkly things,
emma

Apples

I heart my ESL students. I think they'd heart me more if I didn't have a runny nose. Gonna be resting up this weekend... excited to meet a real-live music therapist on Monday.

Currently reading: Pretty much any catalog that describes autumn scents or the wonder of flannel sheets.

Adding to the grocery list: apple cider