Seize the Day

Oh lordy. I do not want to write this post.

Last Tuesday I had an amazing day. Still on a high from fellowship the night before, I had a great, challenging session with my trainer in the morning, and my afternoon was productive. Things were really looking up! Then, while out to dinner with a bunch of church friends (hello, you wonderful people!), I suddenly felt fatigued and suffered a petit mal seizure. I'd never had a seizure before. Boy, was I lucky to be with my mom and a lot of people who care about me and know about POTS! I didn't lose consciousness or control of anything except my eyes. They rolled up into my head and flitted around for about 5-10 minutes. It was scary. We thought it was just because I had a tough workout, combined with maybe a change in my sodium intake and a potassium deficiency. The episode eventually passed. Our friends escorted me to the car in case I fell. Temporary remedy: OJ, banana, vitamins, rest.

A couple days later I was fatigued again. I felt "pre-seizure" almost the whole day. Lazy, uncontrollable eyes, some heart palpitations, needing to lie down regularly. I missed out on a couple family events, and the one I did attend was largely spent lying on the couch.. On Saturday I had another small seizure, after eating lunch. I called my dad to come sit with me until it passed.

This week I've been taking a potassium supplement, a calcium supplement, and increasing my intake of foods with high amounts of either of those nutrients. I've also cut down my sodium, to about 3,000 mg/day (although I'm not keeping track like I used to). I'm nauseous, exhausted, and have little appetite. I'm on the couch a lot. I haven't been able to work out. Even going for a walk is tiring. My brain's not keeping up with conversations all the time. I wasn't surprised when I had a third seizure on Wednesday night after I took a shower. I'd been feeling "seizure prone" for a couple days. Same as the first time: flitty, rolled-back eyes for a few minutes.

Today I saw my GP. She ordered an EKG (normal), blood tests (we'll know in one week), and an EEG and MRI which we'll schedule for next week. Yay (sarcasm). My cardiologist (IEP) doesn't have an opening until next month, but we'll see him as soon as possible.

Sigh. The thing I'm most upset about is that I'm one HUGE step further away from driving. Huff. Whatever. Rollin with the punches! Watching lots of movies and listening to some awesome music. In terms of what you can do to help...hm. Pray. Hold my hand if you're with me when I have a seizure. Come over and watch a dumb Lifetime movie with me. Or better yet, recommend a good movie or TV show! I value your opinion.

Thank you all for your concern. I'm hoping this is just a temporary setback.

press on,
emma

Fun-sized, Me-size!

I'm about 8 weeks into my training, and things are going well. I'm gaining muscle, stamina, and flexibility. My weight has leveled out, which is great. I haven't gotten my heart rate in the target zone for a couple weeks, but I'm okay with that. Kinda wonky last week. We had some brutal, hot, humid days here in Chicago, and for me it's not worth it to risk a full-out workout in those conditions, even indoors. Safety first!

Salt: as much as I can bear. Tip: one tortilla has 410mg of sodium. Yeah, eatin' like 4 of those a day. Here's a great list I found too, for people seeking high-sodium foods. POTS is even mentioned in the comments.

Exercise is so fun. I forgot how much I love weight training, especially upper body and core muscles. They make your posture fierce! Which allows you to breathe more efficiently, and sing more fully! Yay!

Favorite compliment of late: "Emma! Wow, look at you. You're so... Emma-sized!"

Trust me, ladies; we are not meant to be super thin. Little boy bodies are for little boys. Celebrate yourself. Honor yourself. Challenge your muscles, mind, and heart to grow strong with a fun and active lifestyle. Fitness can be an art form, an outlet of creativity and problem-solving. And it builds self-confidence and gym membership can foster relationships! Exercise is good. Eating is good. Taking care of ourselves is so incredibly important. Don't let anybody-- self, family, media-- tell you that being stick thin is equivalent to being healthy. Ain't so. Healthy Emma is Emma-sized.

Anyway. Squee. I am happy.

2:30am, still waiting for some kind of sleepiness to set in. No biggie. To the DVR!

love love love,
(see you at the family reunion?)
emma

Kickin'

Chuggin' along.

Sodium: 9000+ mg/day
Weight: 124 lbs

I can't see my ribs anymore! I am no longer a size 2! I can't fit into my clothes! What does this mean? SHOPPING. :)

et

Progress!

Sodium: 7000+ mg/day
Sleep: 10-14 hours/day
Work out: 50 minutes of cardio 3x/wk, 30 min of weights 3x/wk, stretching every day
Weight: 121 lbs

Woo-hoo!!! Things are looking up. I'm feeling "better" - exhausted and sore, but overall more capable, more flexible. Slightly frustrated that I haven't been able to keep my heartrate in the target zone for very long, so I'll be focusing on that this week.

By the time I'm done with this program, my hair could be as long as hers!

Exercise consumes my time and my thoughts. It takes a lot of coordination: who's dropping me off, who's picking me up, what muscle groups will I work and for how long, and (of course) what to wear!

A big ol' smile, that's what.

Every day is an adventure. Just keep going!

emma

Midnight Me

After a tiring day, I regularly go to bed at 11. Eleven-thirty rolls around. Then (good morning!) midnight. I hop out of bed, check out my inspirational quote for the day, and sneak downstairs, because I know I won't fall asleep until at least 5 a.m.

Every day. Five a.m. Oy! So I might sleep 5 to 9, get up, then run out of steam and take a short snooze in the afternoon, but what gives? I'm exercising now; shouldn't that help iron out the bumps in my sleep schedule?

Speaking of working out, guess who's gaining muscle? Huh, huh? Well it might be this 115-pound kid right here! Bam. So long, twiggy self. I feel like setting an arbitrary goal. How about 124 by the the 4th of July! Oh yeah. Make it happen. *chugs Ensure*

Many of my peers have had their graduation ceremonies in the last couple weeks. I won't lie, it's sad. But the key is to let myself grieve a little and let that stuff go. Times like these, I do a grand job of staying off Facebook and away from friends' pictures. That helps a lot.

Some blurry vision of moving objects. Patchy memory. But overall improving. Tonight I shall watch some more of a documentary series I quite enjoy: The Weight of the Nation. It brings up a lot of factors I hadn't even considered. Yay public health!

Good night, sweet insomniacs. Dream of dreaming.

emma

Personal Training Begins

Hello! Some good days, many bad days. Nothing too exciting until POW! Personal training ROCKS! Val, my trainer, has her own history of chronic illness, and she's just generally awesome. I so look forward to working with her for the next 10 weeks or so. We'll be following Dr. Levine's exercise regimen (referenced at potsrecovery.com). We started slow for the first day: 20 minutes on the easiest level of the recumbent bike, 20 minutes of weight training, and plenty of stretching. I had so much energy the rest of the day! I'm really optimistic about the amount of progress I can make this summer. Get that target heart rate! Woo-hoo!

Recommended movies:
In theaters- Bully, The Hunger Games
On Demand- Higher Ground

And this is just too happy to not pass on.

Hope you all are well!

peace,
emma

Howdy

I've been really disoriented the last couple weeks, like floating around my head. I'm officially off the Ambien; yay, no more doing crazy things at night. But I'm only able to sleep a couple hours at a time a couple times a day. So I'm usually up most of the night, watching dramatic (see: hysterical) Lifetime original movies.

Added Gatorade to my diet. Thinking about taking on this exercise regime. Regimen? Reggie-O? Cheerios? Wait, what... brain fog talking. Limiting my screen time. Peace out.