Sentience

Welcome to the Midwest, land of  freak late-October windstorms. Correction: windstorm, singular. We haven't had anything close to this in a long time. Today, in fact, Chicago meteorologists recorded the city's lowest (barometric) pressure in 70 years.

 Huh. Who woulda thunk it. I am doing awesome. AWESOME! I've been so hyper and multitasking online and reading and free music downloads are everywhere! Happy! Also somewhat confused, and wondering if I'll crash tomorrow. Whatever! Don't question it! :)

Brooke Fraser's new album. Yay.

love-a-love,
emma

Scrimmage

Hello! Birthday week: excellent. Movies: Fun. Got complimented on my shoes. Me and my social justice are quite a trendy pair. Book sale: Swoon. Speechless. Nat King Cole 2-disc CD for $3. Givemethatit'smybirthday! 

Sleeping somewhat better. But still losing weight. Bad. It's tough to eat when I have no appetite. This week I was looking forward to a presentation for an alternative therapy, but felt sick all of a sudden and had to miss it. Mrf. Will try again next time.

Events of my life may be seemingly out of order. Yes. Yes they are, to me. But what I love about right now is the time I have to explore and create and imagine...absolutely anything. There's a kind of freedom in prison. Am I stuck? Looks like it. Feels icky. And slow. And not very fun. But at the same time, I'm learning to embrace the simple things, to identify what's important, and truly to escape pain through music, art, etc. It's a discipline. I guess it's like meditation, except more like Fantasia. I'll try to explain it more when I can.

I'm so thankful for this year. I turned 20 on 10/20/2010. I outlived Joan of Arc. What's next? :)

Hope you all are having a terrific autumn!
emma

Kiwi

i guess i don't have too much to say. this song speaks. blessings and potato chips, emma

lyrics from "Season" by Jenny & Tyler

after eeg’s and mri’s, i can’t explain why you’d put me through this
and when hamlet’s lines are filled with rhymes, i have a hard time seeing what your plan is

You say all things work together for my good
You say be patient but i wish you would...

(chorus)
show me what this season in my life is for
i’ve been trying to seek You, seems You're shutting every door
show me what this season in my life is for
‘cause i want so much more, so much more

the doctor called to say today the medication isn’t going my way
your paper doesn’t speak to me, reads red ink in every margin I see

You say ask and seek and knock and you will find
why won't You calm the worries on my mind

(chorus)
show me what this season in my life is for i’ve been trying to seek You, seems You're shutting every door
show me what this season in my life is for
‘cause i want so much more, so much more

work your renewal through my soul
bring me through the fire as gold
Living water come and pour over me
wash me clean

(chorus)
show me what this season in my life is for i’ve been trying to seek You, seems You're shutting every door
show me what this season in my life is for
‘cause i want so much more, so much more

Hemidemisemiquaver

[In music, a 64th note.]

It is the tenth day of the tenth month of the tenth year, and my birthday is in ten days! 10/10/10, T minus 10. To quote a personal hero of mine: Tender.

Tomorrow I start a new adventure! It's a dietary supplement called Max GXL. A POTSie friend of mine has significantly improved on it. It may take about 3 months to see a difference. And - GO!

I want to conduct Niska Banja. I miss my choirs.

mindy is so cool!
et

Snollygoster

Bad day. Bad couple of days. It's getting cold out, which I normally don't mind at all, but now POTS is beating me up bad. BAD. Stupid pain. Go away forever. Leave us all alone! Nyah!

Have to eat. Have to sleep. Keep finding music, keep, keep, sleep.

Fare thee well, Cathy. You and your sales clerks will always be a part of my inner shopping psyche. ACK!

zzz,
et

Bibliobibuli

Tests came back. Nuttin' in my noggin. Good news, but also slightly frustrating. Next up: more alternative therapies... yay?

Haven't been sleeping very well. Most days I'm up around 4. I made a New Year's Resolution: Gain 10 pounds by New Year's! My mantra: Please try and eat SOMEthing.

Keeping people entertained. Or at least helping them procrastinate. Hyperbole and a Half

cheers,
emma

Psithurism

My MRA was meditative. Swaddled in pillows and blankets, earplugs, donning a football mask, I spent 15 minutes in a coffin. Computers and lasers and things I don't understand, searching that which keeps me alive. What connects my mind to my heart? How was it weakened? Where do I go from here?

This feels like the eye of the storm. How is this moment so still within so much NOISE!

God, why are you so difficult and awesome? Your methods are ri-friggin-diculous sometimes, but you weave. You work. You're the God. Here's my life again. Make good stuff happen.

Thoughts and observations:
- It was shorter than my MRIs. Didn't have to hold my breath or other commands. No IV - Nice!
- The people who worked there were SO agreeable and SO helpful. Nadine, I hope you get to spend more time with them.
- I didn't get a chance to perform my new hit single, "We All Live in an MRI Machine" ...huh? huh? Funny, right? Yes. Another example of what you can come up with on four hours of sleep a night! [Professional writer. Do not attempt.]
- The next challenge on Project Runway MUST-MUST-MUST be to design a better hospital gown. Come on. What would Michael Kors say?

I feel sick just looking at that! The color washes her out. It's falling off her shoulders, and Heidi, look at the back. Did she just pull this out of the waste-paper basket, because it has TRASHY written all over it. I thought the medical world was full of smart people. Oh wait, they're the same ones who came up with the paper vest. Have you ever been to an OB/GYN office that wasn't freezing, Nina? No? And they give you a vest. A vest made of paper. Figure-flattering is the least of our worries. Women deserve a hospital gown that could be worn on the runway. It is a GOWN after all!

MRA results Monday, I hope?

et